Here’s a question for you – would you rather be a showgirl in Vegas, or Paris? I’m in two minds over it. Topless dancing is topless dancing, and we’re talking about the fairly classy/non-sexual kind, like the Lido in Paris or, I dunno, Caesar’s Palace.
For me, it boils down to the lifestyle. In Vegas, your stories would definitely be better. I think weirder, funnier, crazier stuff would happen there. But in Paris, your lifestyle would be so relaxed with walks along the Seine and plenty of extended afternoons people watching from a curbside cafe.
So hard to choose! Help me out in the comments. Anyway, here is where I should include a clever segue about how the Showgirl thing relates to crumpets. I don’t have one.
Other than to say that there’s probably not a less relevant foodstuff to showgirls than crumpets. Like, I highly doubt that a showgirl (in Paris or Vegas) would ever eat, let alone even think about a crumpet.
Crumpets are for cosy nights in, and late breakfasts. They’re for drenching in butter and golden syrup and eating with mugs of tea.
Actually, you know what? Maybe I’m profiling to say that show-folk wouldn’t eat crumpets. They probably enjoy a late lazy breakfast as much as the next person. And there’s no-one in Paris, Vegas or elsewhere who could resist a homemade crumpet with honeycomb butter.
That honeycomb butter? It’s the glittery headdress on top of this recipe. It’s a Bill Granger classic, recently covered by Izy Hossack, and I’m busting it out once more, because I can.
And also because homemade crumpets are so delicious, and so seemingly impossible, that they deserve a spangly candy-butter topping.
The crumpet batter is incredibly easy to make – just a wooden spoon job – but you do need heatproof metal rings of about 2.5 inches (7-8cm) in diameter to cook these babies. But once that’s underway, it’s easy as pie.
And you have CRUMPETS! Magical, hole-y, stretchy crumpets just begging to be doused with that honeycomb-filled butter. And something perfectly delicious to munch on while you consider…Vegas or Paris?
- 1 + ½ cups (225g) plain flour
- ¾ cup (190ml) milk
- ¾ cup (190ml) hot water
- 1 + ½ tsp dried active yeast
- 2 tsp sugar
- 1 tsp baking powder
- pinch of salt
- canola oil (or other neutral oil), to cook
- ½ stick (55g) butter, soft
- 1 oz (20g) honeycomb candy, smashed
- Place the flour into a large mixing bowl and make a well in the centre. In a separate jug, combine the milk and hot water (the mix should be just warm).
- Pour the milk and water into the flour, and add in the remaining ingredients, then stir with a wooden spoon until completely combined. It should be have the texture of a thick batter.
- Cover the bowl with plastic and set aside to rise in a warm place for 1-2 hours, it should bubble up and grow to just under double in size.
- To cook the crumpets, heat a large, heavy-based frying pan over a low heat. Take as many 2.5 inch (7-8cm) metal, heatproof rings as will fit in the pan, and grease them very well with oil (I use a pastry brush).
- Lightly brush the pan with oil, and add in the rings allowing them to heat up also.
- Drop a heaped dessertspoon of the batter (don't stir it or knock it down, just scoop the batter out) and leave to cook over a low heat for about 8 minutes, or until browned on the bottom, and completely cooked through and dry on the top.
- Remove the metal rings with a pair of tongs, and then carefully flip each crumpet over, just to brown the tops for a few seconds.
- Continue, re-greasing the rings between each batch, until all the crumpets are cooked.
- To make the honeycomb butter, whip the butter until light and creamy, and then fold in the crushed honeycomb.
- Serve the hot crumpets, or leave them to cool and then toast them (my preferred method) and slather with honeycomb butter.